In high school I did have a vague urge to go to university, but the idea of spending another few years relying on my parents for money wasn’t something I really wanted to do, so I got a job selling law texts at a nice little subsidiary bookshop called Legal Books. It was a great experience but after 6 years there I applied to do a psychology degree at the University of New South Wales.

I guess I didn’t fill the form in correctly (I’m not very good at forms) and I didn’t get in.

So, I left Legal Books, and did something else, and applied again the following year with Sydney University.

Failed again.

By this time my anxiety had started increasing, thanks to two very stressful jobs, and lack of holidays (I wasn’t one for lazing around) so I decided that I would go to the UK for a couple of years. Get some life experience, travel Britain and Europe, grow a little, and perhaps come back with enough nous to get that degree.

Arrived back just after 5 months terribly in debt and had to work long hours 7 days until I paid it off. No way I could go to uni, I thought. Also, I took the IT worker path, thinking this will set me up well. Nope. Gig economy. I never knew how much I would earn hour to hour. Did that for a bit to catch up on my debts, but it was a struggle. And then XP came out, and my service offering repairs to people’s computers in their homes collapsed within a month.

Moved on. With the help of some friends I learnt how to teach ESL privately, then created an ESL college. Initially things were going well. But the moment you set up business, you are constantly bombarded by offers to expand, make more money, go into partnerships etc. As this was my first real bricks and mortar business and I didn’t know all of that, I ended up getting into a few partnerships that cost me way too much.

Also, with private ESL, we don’t know day to day whether our private student is going to cancel at the last minute or not. The Gig economy structure means there is no way of knowing what you are going to earn week to week. Though, with the expensive rent and advertising in the city, I knew how much I had to pay each week to stay open. Everything for the rent. Nothing for me.

I applied for university again, and failed. This time I think I applied for a business degree. Can’t quite remember. I guess I stuffed up the forms again. It was probably during the time my business was collapsing due to local colleges copying my business plan and materials and doing it better. Also, my online advertising suddenly doubled, so I suspect my competitors were clicking on my ads. $1000 a month on advertising to $2000 a month on advertising. Not happy. Not sustainable. And I was back in debt.

No way was I going to be able to get into uni now.

But, I’d been doing the same thing over and over. Listening to people. Following people’s ideas. Being nice to people and agreeing with them. I’m not saying I’m not blaming myself. I do. I should have listened to myself. 2009 was when I should have listened to myself. Then everything would have been different. But I didn’t, and I ended up in a worse situation than in 2001. I was in debt again. Hundreds of thousands this time when the business finally closed in 2012.

But, I’m an entrepreneur. And entrepreneurs take some time out, gather themselves together, and try again. The only thing was, I didn’t know when that would be. I might need 5 years to recover. As it has turned out, I still haven’t. I’m hoping this will be the year.

I moved in 2016 with nothing. My partner helped but depression, anxiety, lack of funds, and lack of self esteem took their toll. 2016 and 2017 I really didn’t do much at all. In fact, I barely remember those years. I remember debts, and my mother dying. But most of it is a haze. I guess I spent much of it writing and drinking and lying in bed. Oh, and I launched Alien Dimensions. Perhaps that’s all I did.

I feel it wasn’t until 2018 that I began to start feeling that I was getting back on my feet again. My thoughts returned to university. I decided this time to really focus. I exercised, ate a lot of those green things, and got ready to do something that I had been dreading. Filling in an application form for RMIT.

I’ve mentioned before that I believe I have ADHD. One of the problems with this is that it can sometimes be physically impossible to do something you are anxious about. While others might say “I hate this, but I’m going to have a nip of scotch and get this done” people with ADHD can get themselves in a situation where they physically cannot lift their arms to do it. The brain just stops them from moving. Well, it stopped me from moving. If I hadn’t’ve spent weeks preparing myself for the expected application form, choosing the right diet, staying healthy etc, there’s no way I could have filled it out. Really! I guess, if you’ve had no experience with someone with ADHD, you’d be thinking – “What a loser! Just do it! You’re just being lazy!” Perhaps you might understand it better if you put us on the autism spectrum. Of course, getting an obviously autistic person to fill out a form is impossible. I’m a bit further down the scale, but still struggle with something most people wouldn’t even have to think about to do.

In any case, I digress. So, 2018 was the year. I was going to try again to get into uni. And I had my goal in mind. I’ve always had an interest in RMIT. I like the vision of the uni. I like their style. So, RMIT was my first choice after moving. But first I had to go to their Open Day. Was it going to be Marketing? Entrepreneurship? Business? I had no idea.

And then, when I got there, I discovered they had a Creative Writing degree.

I think the last time I walked on air was probably in 2008 when so many things were going well with my college. 2018 – I knew what I wanted.

And best of all, the forms were easy. The hard part was choosing the writing excerpts I was going to submit in the application.

So, I spent a weekend writing the application. Then another week to make sure it was right. Then another week to be sure this is what I wanted to do. Then I submitted it and waited.

I really didn’t expect to get in for the 2019 semester. I’d been rejected by universities 3 times before and I strongly believed I’d be rejected again.

And then, I was accepted.

OMG!

Finally!

As the confirmation email said “This is Big!”

I could go to university. For real! Not those short courses and certificates I had amassed over the years from TAFE and community colleges which got me from job to job, but a real university that I could earn a degree from. And I could get a government HECS loan to pay for uni while I dealt with my debts.

I cried. Yep. Age 47. Then again, I am an anxious, shy, emotional person, so it was to be expected.

Thank you RMIT.

And so, if you’ve been following this blog for awhile, you might be wondering why it has taken so long for me to post a basic missive. Well, I just enjoyed my first semester at RMIT doing their creative writing degree. It was fun, and I learned a lot. I’m about to start the second semester. I’m very excited by this opportunity, and am looking forward to gaining that degree. Oh, and I got a HD in my core elective, so I know that I’m on the right track.

Thank you for reading this far. Thank you for your interest in my blog. My plan is for random future posts to feature some excerpts from my university assignments.

We’ll see. 🙂